Written By Shweta Hebbalkar

Manas Magazines Moment: This article will be triggering to some as it is a stream of consciousness about partner abuse. According to the National statistics 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience severe intimate partner abuse. Partner abuse can go unrecognized for years and is not limited to age, race, or gender. As Manas Magazines expands there will be continuous efforts to bring more resources and shed more light on this topic.

My priority was preset with my parents, and I was fully dedicated to my priorities such as school, degree, good work, marriage, and family. However, I was rebellious in college and looking back at my friends in relationships and being happy until I met my now ex one day; I didn’t show up for class, so I had to ask for notes from him.  We later become friends. One thing led to another, and we started dating.

Every relationship starts with the honeymoon phase. He showered me with flowers and presents almost every day and every night he spent the night with me. I lived with two guys and one girl with who I shared a room. After a while, my roommate started getting annoyed, so I confronted him, and that’s when I knew the honeymoon phase was over. He took that information so severely he began plotting feuds with my roommates by saying things like they don’t like you because of their race and started questioning my loyalty towards him. (Insecurities are never acceptable in a relationship; it just adds poison to the relationship.) 

Then after that incident, it was all downhill from that. One day my classmate and I went for dinner, and after dinner, my classmate dropped me off, and I saw my ex’s car parked, waiting for me to come home. At the beginning of our relationship, I thought these were all cute gestures, and as soon as I entered his car, he was sad and upset and started questioning me in an angry tone about who paid for my dinner. I was like, “What is going?” He got mad at me and started saying things like I don’t like it when you hang out with guy friends. I said, fine, I will try not to hang out with my guy friends as much. Whomever I am hanging out with people in general, he doesn’t like it, and all my attention should only focus on him. Then he started to be so clingy and wanted to hang out with me all the time, basically keeping an eye on me. My back then best friend started noticing that I changed. I was more conscious of who I was talking to and getting nervous whenever I talked to guys. Leading me to break my friendships with my best friends, and eventually, I lost all my friends.  (I think possessiveness is cute on little things, but if it’s overpowering, then it becomes suffocating). 

I was oblivious to all things like his insecurities, possessiveness, and clinginess because I initially thought it was cute in a relationship. I remember this one moment in time; my best friend had invited me to hang out with her, her boyfriend, and their housemates. So, I told my ex that I am going to my friend’s place. I told him because he doesn’t make other plans. So I went, and my friends and I went to the pool and hung out. When we came back from the pool, I saw my phone, and I had 20 missed calls from my ex, and I was worried, confused, and scared. Why did he call me so many times? So I called him, and he asked me where my phone was. I said it was at the apartment. I didn’t want to bring it to the pool area because I am prone to drop things. We hung up, but with that conversation, I was kind of distressed at the way he talked to me, but I ignored it. Then next time we met, he starts acting all weird, and I didn’t notice at first, and then he was like, “Oh, my hand is hurting, my knuckles are hurting.” And I asked him why he said that he punched his hand to the wall because I didn’t pick up his calls and asked me if I slept with anyone. Also, he always gave me Hickies. It’s his way to say I am taken.  (Passive-aggressive is a kind of mental torture, especially in a relationship it’s sure to tell sign of a toxic relationship) 

Before I lost my friends, there was a time they were part of my life and this relationship I was in. My friends had planned to have dinner for my 25th birthday, and I ask my ex if he will be joining us for dinner; and I don’t remember, but he said no. Afterward texted my best friend, and I told her about my ex not coming. She said, that’s okay, don’t worry, we will have fun, and for a dinner reservation, we need to have one person for the big table, and I was like, sure you could ask your boyfriend’s roommate to come. Meanwhile, my ex showed up, and I wanted to spend time with me, but I had to go to my part-time job. So he tagged along, and there was a Starbucks right next to my work, and for some reason, he wanted to use two screens, so he asked me he could borrow my iPad I didn’t even think a second, and I gave him my iPad back then I thought he was cute for waiting for me, and once I am done we could spend some time. I wished someone would come and tell me that he is a loser, does have anything going, and I had no friends. That is why he was spending so much time with you(me). Anyways, he went to my text message I had all my devices connected to iCloud, so he saw my text message, conversion between my best friend and I were talking bring one more person since my ex was not going to show up. As time goes by, he becomes angrier and angrier, and he confronts me. Claiming that I am cheating with that person and feeding me that my best friends are my bad influence on me, and he made me cry and made me feel bad on the day of my birthday. I didn’t want to go to the dinner, and he forced me to go, and he was going to come too…

After experiences that I had with my ex, I learned to read the signs! It’s never too late to get out of the relationship, and if the guy is insecure and has no friends, then don’t get involved with that person because you will have no life. He will make your life a living hell, and oh, it takes time to heal because everyone is different, and those things affected me in the deep root. I lost all my confidence; now, I am throwing all the stuff that he ever gifted me, and I am starting fresh.