Interviewee | Anisa Sindha

Estimated Reading Time: 5 minutes

What was your first reaction when you learned you were going to be a mom? And did you always want to be a mom?

Excitement! I’ve always wanted to be a mom. Being the youngest of five in my family, I grew up with a lot of nieces and nephews, and they were my pride and joy. I had so much fun with them and had always envisioned having my own someday.

Why did you choose to be a stay-at-home mom, and what does your day-to-day look like? And do you feel there is a stigma being a stay-at-home mom?

I have four kids and worked full time after my first and part-time after my second. I quit the workforce after the third and have been a ‘domestic engineer’ since. I say that because staying home was more work and literally, there were no breaks. It was all about the kids, their schedule, their meals, their naps, etc. The stigma of ‘staying home’ and not doing anything is a narrative that has changed, fortunately. You’re a cook, nanny, driver, teacher, healer, etc. You end the day feeling somewhat accomplished and wake up the next morning and do it all over again.

But, staying home was what I wanted, and I was fortunate enough to do so. Motherhood was my chosen career, and I am definitely the CEO of this company.

What values do you feel are important to instill in your children?

Values are great! Every parent wants their kids to be respectable, courteous, generous, honest, hardworking, ethically, and morally correct. But, I always say and abide by my own rule which is, kids, learn from not so much what they are told but what they see. We are the examples they live by. We cannot practice one thing and preach something else! 

Has culture been part of your motherhood journey?

Yes! We, of course, pick up our parenting style from our parents. My kids are millennials, and certain parenting style does not apply to them. I have had to let go of certain things which were more culture-based and less about faith and beliefs. I learn just as much from my kids as they do from me. They have also educated me and helped me see things in a different light.

Having daughters and a son, do you feel as if there are different needs to be catered towards, or are different needs taken care of based on the individual child?

Yes, my girls were more independent. It had nothing to do with gender. It’s just with them; there was always a younger sibling that needed to be cared for. My son, who’s the youngest, will always be considered the baby. Again, not gender-related, just the order of birth. 

How do you handle conflict as a mom?

Fortunately for me, there’s not much sibling rivalry, so I haven’t had to deal with that often. On rare occasions though, I’ve let them express themselves and then spoken to each child individually. Boundaries are respected and emphasized in the household. We also reiterate often that respect needs to be earned, and if you want it, you must also give it.

What are things you do to take time for yourself, and do you feel it’s important to partake in self-care activities?

The age difference from the eldest to the youngest is six years. So at one time, I had four kids aged six and under. Phew! Needless to say, there wasn’t much me-time. I’d say a good ten years were dedicated to them, and there were very few self-care activities. However, once my youngest hit preschool age, there was a shift in priorities, and there was conscious effort to do more things for me. I have a good group of friends. We do hikes and brunches often together. I’ve joined gyms, tennis classes, yoga sessions, cooking clubs, and the funniest of all dance lessons! I have even achieved my Real Estate License, which was so rewarding to know that the brain’s juices were still flowing. It is very important to one’s state of mind and can only advise that one should start self-care sooner rather than later. As a caregiver to many, I am no good to them if I’m all spent, and my health is not in its optimum state.

What does your support system look like?  

As I stated, I am blessed with a good group of friends. I have several that are very close to me. I believe in quality over quantity. They are my ‘therapists’ and ‘mentors.’ I also have two older sisters with whom I share a very tight bond with. I am also grateful for a spouse that shares my ideas, dreams, and passion for all things. Not to mention my daughters, who are maturing into amazing women as they get older. 

What does mental health mean to you? And has there been a shift in understanding mental health before motherhood and after motherhood?

Honestly, up until this past year, I did not pay much attention to it. This pandemic has been a rude awakening for many, myself included. I’ve always been strong in my faith and generally a positive person. I practice gratitude and teach my kids to be thankful of the little things in life. I also tell them nothing is as important as it seems, to take things in stride. Health is wealth, and as long as we are healthy and strong and together, we’ll be alright. Nothing is worth going crazy over. However, this past year we’ve talked often and frequently checked in on each other and taken things in stride.

How has the pandemic affected the way you do things at home?

Luckily, everyone has their own space. So we didn’t get in each other’s way too much. Dad also worked from home, so we had to be mindful of noise levels. For the most part, not much change was needed. 

How are you doing these days?

Doing better. My mom passed away on March 17th, 2020. Right before the world literally shut down. For me, it was an emotional roller coaster. I was blessed to have had my family by my side.

She was an amazing woman, and I strive to be half as good. May she rest in eternal Paradise.