Written By | Richa Bhatia

Estimated Reading Time | 2 Minutes

Two years ago I had no reason to live

I was broken

A year ago I thought I wouldn’t survive

I gave in

I was desperate

I wanted to escape

And today…

I’m in the same place

Yet there is a difference

I am blessed to be alive

I don’t want to live like this

But I still take every breath as a blessing

I almost didn’t make it

I was so close to not being here today

But I got another chance…

Another shot at life

And I’ll be damned if I throw it away once again

I’m not at my best but I am trying

I’m fighting for myself 

Every single goddamn day

I’m saving myself from drowning

I’m saving myself for a better life

One that I will proudly say that I’m finally happy with

And maybe then I’ll have a permanent smile on my face

One that is real and not fake

Hiding my true emotions

∼ A better me

Author’s Note

This poem was written my sophomore year of college after a rough period in my life. I had been dealing with personal issues, trying to figure out who I was and where I stood in life. The two or so years before that had been spent feeling miserable, where I often wished I could disappear or wasn’t alive anymore. While I still struggled with that a lot my sophomore year, I had really begun to surround myself with more positivity whether it was in the form of people or habits. I knew then that I wasn’t going down without a fight, there was no way those intrusive thoughts were going to get the best of me. And while happiness is a constant work in progress, I can now say that I’m in  a much better place two years after this poem was written. There are some bad days, days where I struggle but overall I can definitely say I’ve put in work into creating a better me.