Written By | Seema Akkar

Estimated Read Time: 5 minutes

I strongly believe that in order to attract, maintain, and accept love in our lives, we need three forms of love – giving love, receiving love, and loving ourselves. 

It is crucial to give love to others and show kindness to others without expectations. The heart must also be open to receiving love from others, reminding us that we’re human and it is okay to be vulnerable and ask for help. Loving and accepting yourself for all that you are, and protecting yourself by establishing boundaries, can lead to a fulfilling life and even protect you from emotional hurt. These three acts of love, when in harmony, makes for a well-rounded life filled with an abundance of love, helping them live a fulfilling life overall.

But it took me 28 years to learn this lesson and find balance in love. In most of my 20s, I have endured several stressful events that I haven’t completely healed from and was overdue to be replenished of love. When I reflect on these events, I realize how imbalanced I was in the three acts of love. I attracted hurt people who desperately needed constant reassurance and love – as a naturally selfless person, I was the perfect lover, daughter, sister, friend, and company to these people, who collectively drained the love I gave away, leaving me with none for myself. My self-love was minimal, as I constantly altered my personality to please other people, fearing I would disappoint others if I stayed true to myself. Yet, I kept giving my love away, prioritizing others’ opinions over my own. I was giving love freely to others on autopilot, without expecting anything from anyone in return. However, I was neither receiving the love I was giving out freely, nor did I have the ability to love myself.

As a result, I lost myself and my sanity. I had no concept of an identity. And even when I courageously decided to walk away from a marriage, toxic family members, and negative friendships that were one-sided, I initially felt guilty for leaving. My ex-husband and his family were hurt. Some of my family and community members were disappointed in me. People felt that I owed them something as soon as I went radio silent. I was hurt and needed to be loved, but I worried more about others being hurt and ultimately neglected myself. In a time when my empty heart needed replenishment, I focused my energy on caring for others while my vessel was depleted and bone dry, needing love in order to restore myself. 

One day, after a severe breakdown that left me broken, I finally had enough, and focused on giving myself love, this time without shame or guilt. I started going to therapy and taking my therapy sessions seriously. I barely talked to anyone except people I have known for years that I trusted. In the process, a handful of people walked out of my life, upset that I could not give them the love I used to be bountiful in. I paid close attention to those who stuck around, supported me in all my endeavors, and understood if I couldn’t be 100% for them while excitedly and patiently awaiting a healed version of me. In this time period, my partner of almost four years, who has seen me in my most broken state, replenished me with lots of love by giving me the space and time to heal through all my past traumas, giving me the opportunity to take a year and a half off work to focus on my healing. I went on a three-year-long journey to do this inner work. I slowly started to feel like myself again and love that person. My social circle slowly transformed from those who drained me to those who replenished me with love and compassion. I felt beyond happy to give these people all my love and even found a way to give everyone love, but from afar and in my safe space. I eventually started genuinely loving myself.

Fast forward four years later, and I am now engaged to a wonderful partner who has restored my faith in love after I barely had any. I am surrounded by a tremendous amount of supporters among my friends and among my family. I went from enduring a heartbreaking event that almost completely destroyed my faith in love to now being in a fulfilled, safe, comforting relationship filled with lots of love and genuine happiness. I maintained my ability to give ample love to those around me while respecting my boundaries, so I did not deplete myself. I opened my heart to receiving love and seeking help from others, unafraid of being vulnerable and human. Most importantly, I love myself – every flaw, triumph, unique characteristic – and would never change myself for anyone.

Today and every day, I give love. I receive love. I self-love. And because of this: I Am Love.