Estimated Reading Time: 7 minutes

Written by Anonymous

Growing up in a strict South Asian household, I was never allowed to experiment with love. I didn’t really know what it meant to love or be in love. I never asked the right questions, and I never received any answers. I just knew it couldn’t be anything like in the movies. This lack of insight and experience led me down a path where I was still trying to find my identity while getting mixed up with friends and potential partners that weren’t right for me.

In college, I had suppressed my emotions and put all my feelings in a box after a failed relationship. I shut myself off emotionally from my parents, my siblings, and my friends and focused entirely on my grades and my career. This continued until I was a year into my career, still convinced that I needed to keep hustling in pursuit of my version of success, which at that time meant I had to sacrifice relationships with most people in my life because I didn’t know how to manage it all. 

When I met my now-husband, I was in that independent, boss girl mode. I wasn’t looking to find love or connection. I hardly had time in my life for it. But he came out of nowhere, literally. In the span of two summer months, I met him and then saw him again multiple times at weddings and social events and learned that he had recently moved to the city for work. At one of the weddings we were at, one of the first things he said to me was a light roast about how I didn’t have any friends because I was hanging out with all the guys at their table. I was shocked at how bold this stranger was in front of me. 

Soon thereafter, he would reply to some of my Instagram stories, and I wouldn’t pay much attention to him. Then he asked for my number and wanted to hang out. I was hesitant. He didn’t really seem like the type of person I would go for, but that’s what made it special, unpredictable, and alluring. After some thought, I took a chance. Something about him made me want to go out of my comfort zone for him. On our first date, we kept it spontaneous. It started at a coffee shop, then ended up at Taco Bell and a few rounds of bowling. 

After a few dates, I learned more about myself while I was learning about him. I had boxed up so much of my emotions that he successfully chipped away at, and I surprised myself with what I truly wanted out of life. I thought I had no room for romance, but my rejection for it only made me realize the need to be real with myself. Maybe I did crave companionship, friendship, and a love that no one before had shown me. My feelings quickly became uncomplicated, healthy, and pure, and I realized we were on the same page about our futures. That’s when things got serious.

Now it was time to confirm if we were really compatible. I sat him down and went through a typical “50 questions to ask your partner” questionnaire with him. It was awkward at first, but we learned so much about each other that night. We talked about religion, kids, pets, family values, and much more. That night I realized I was in love with him. Maybe it was the way he answered the questions and how his needs and desires aligned with mine, or how comfortable he was in being so vulnerable with me, but that moment suddenly made everything about my life clearer.

Throughout this new journey, I learned about love, selflessness, and, most importantly, respect. Before we were married, we had set strict rules for each other. For example, neither of us would go to sleep if either of us were upset about something. We set these relationship habits so that we wouldn’t just start off our marriage strongly but also ensure its continued success. 

When we finally moved in together, I became more responsible for him and he for me. We learned more about each other’s lifestyle, along with things we’ve learned to accept, like how he will never leave the house until the very last minute when we need to get somewhere or how I’m incredibly annoying in the kitchen. But we also learned to appreciate one another, like how he does a lot of the housework that I wouldn’t bother to do or how I’ll sometimes clean up after him. When they say you don’t really know a person until you start to live with them and travel with them, it’s absolutely true. 

One of the best relationship advice I got was turning everything that could be seen as a negative into a positive. When you’re alone, you shoulder a lot of responsibility and stress and often bottle it up without having someone to talk to. This habit can continue even with a partner, leading to miscommunication and frustration. So, when I struggled with managing my career, I relied on him for support. When I became emotional or stressed, I relied on him for comfort. And every single time, he was there for me, and he knew that when he needed me, I would be there for him too.

And sure, we have arguments, but what couple doesn’t? He has quirks, and so do I. He’s not perfect, but I never sought out “perfect” or even “perfect for me” because perfection is the enemy of evolution and growth. I strived for such growth, stability, connection, and mutual respect. But to achieve this required maturity, honesty, sacrifice, and patience on both our parts. We continually push each other to evolve and be the best versions of ourselves for our own good. We also make fun of each other and argue about the dumbest things, but ultimately, we try our hardest for each other every single day. And that’s how I know that our marriage will work as long as we keep trying.